a story of overcoming anorexia

May 2019

At 16 years old, Brittani Lancaster lost half of her hair, her menstrual cycle, was extremely deficient in vitamin D, and took multiple trips to the emergency room. She knew this was a problem, but could no longer control it. Anorexia had taken charge of her life.

Lancaster grew up in Fort Lauderdale, Florida, with her mom and older brother. In high school she was a member of the water polo and swim teams. But, looking back, she thinks that could have been a catalyst for the path she began to follow. “I had this one water polo game my sophomore year of high school. After it, me and my family went to get dinner at this buffet, and I stuffed my face. The whole way home, I remember crying in the car to my mom saying how I thought I was so fat. I was crying, saying, ‘I’m so fat, I don’t know why I can’t look like the other girls on my team,’” she said, “I told myself that night, ‘O.K. you’re going to do this. You’re going to just starve yourself until you get how skinny you want to get.’ That was the beginning of the downfall.”

The average age of onset for anorexia is 17, and it’s reported that between one and five percent of young women will suffer from it at least once in their life. But it’s hard to know the exact number due to the extreme measures those who are suffering will take to hide it.

"I was very secretive about my disorder,” Lancaster said. “I would come home from a friend’s house and my parents would have dinner ready and I would tell them I ate at my friend’s, which I didn’t. So I just didn’t eat for the night,” she said. “At school, for lunch my friends would ask, ‘why aren’t you eating?’ Or ‘why are you only eating an apple?’ And I would say I ate in my class before.” Telling these small lies became a part of her everyday life.

It wasn’t until Lancaster visited her dad and step-mom in Portland, Oregon, for the summer, that she was confronted about it. “My step-mom noticed that I wasn’t eating properly and was barely eating basically. She was the first person to ever be like, ‘Hey, what’s going on, why don’t you eat? You have no energy, you lay in bed all day.’ She had me go see a nutritionist, that was kind of the first step in trying to get me help, but I was very stubborn. I didn’t want help. I struggled with my eating disorder for the rest of high school.”

For over a year, she lived a life that was being controlled by counting calories and over exercising, “I would wake up and have a banana for breakfast, and I would bring an apple and carrots to school and that’s what I would eat for the whole day. Then I would have a two hour swim practice right after school. I would be so unbelievably exhausted when I got home.” But sticking to that same routine was the only way she could mentally get through each day. 

During this time, Lancaster also moved from Florida to Oregon to live with her dad and step-mom. “When my parents got a divorce, my mom got full custody and there was this law that you couldn’t choose what parent you wanted to live with until you were 16,” she said, “I moved to live with [my dad] right when I got the chance because my mom just could not offer a stable environment whatsoever. So I decided I was going to do that for myself and make a better life for myself. I packed up my bags, told my dad to book a flight, and I left.” 

Keely Barnett has noticed this to be a trend in Lancaster’s life in the three years they have been close friends. “Something that has been most interesting to me in the time I have been close to Brittani, is her ability to identify when she’s in an unhealthy situation and then to remove herself. Whether it be in family dynamics, friendships, health or even school, Brittani surrounds herself with positivity,” said Barnett.

Lancaster looks back on the experience of moving as the darkest time in her life, “I remember going on that plane and thinking, ‘I really hope this is the best decision,’ but I knew in my gut that it was. Even though I was so scared, I just had to go with it.” Although her home life was better in Oregon than Florida, Lancaster continued suffering from her eating disorder and felt added pressure from starting a new high school across the country. 

The summer after she graduated from high school, she went with her dad, step-mom, and brother on a trip to Croatia. That is where things began to change, “My brother and I had gone to swim in the Croatian sea, and I still remember it was on September 9, 2016, and I was about to jump off a ledge into the water. I just looked out into the sea and I was like ‘Wow, life is so much bigger than having an eating disorder and having this negative self-image and doubt in yourself. Life is so much more than starving yourself.’ After that day, I was like ‘OK. I am going to be committed to my recovery.’ I went in and out of it for a long time,” Lancaster said, “But once I went to Croatia and had the Aha! Experience, it changed my life. It was a long journey but now I’m fully recovered from it.”

Today, Lancaster maintains a healthy weight, positive lifestyle, and enjoys talking about it on her Instagram and personal blog. “At first I hated talking about it, but I realized I can share my story and help someone,” said Lancaster. “I’ve had people where I would share my story and would have no idea that they had experienced anything similar. Then me just being vulnerable and laying it out there, they say that they understood me,” she said, “It’s one of those things where I wish it was more vocalized. That you could talk about this stuff openly.” Lancaster has found heroes in those who do. Specifically Ashley Graham, a plus-size model who uses her popular social media platforms to promote body positivity, “She inspired me a lot to vocalize my story and put it out there. Because that’s what Ashley does, she doesn’t apologize for being who she is. She just kinda puts her story out there, who she is out there, and just rolls with what she looks like and is very proud of that,” said Lancaster.

Reflecting on where her life is at now, Lancaster has grown a new appreciation for each day, “Because I know what it’s like to really not have a great time in life.”